The World's Dream
by Rhapsidiast
Summary: End of episode 50 of GS. Kira is down with a heavy fever, and Athrun wonders about what he had been doing throughout the war. He reflects on their childhood, wondering if they could forgive each other and, more importantly, themselves. Oneshot.


**Author's Note:** _This takes place after episode 50 of the Gundam SEED series, but before the OVA. This is NOT a slash fic. I've always looked at Kira and Athrun as close brothers. Inspired by a fan-made AMV I watched recently. Please review!  
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><p><em>We... Why have we come to this place..? Our world...<em>

Kira fought to keep his eyes open, watching as Torii circled above him repeatedly. He figured that Archangel must've released the mechanical bird to locate where he was, yet the universe was eerily quiet. He could see no flashes of beams or explosions and wondered if the destruction of GENESIS had finally made the world stop fighting. Lacus's ring floated from inside his helmet and, tiredly, Kira wondered if everyone was alright. Cagalli... Athrun... They were flying inside the GENESIS with Justice and Strike Rouge earlier, most likely to destroy GENESIS, but had they made it out alive? They must have...

As if on cue, a bright flash in front of Kira blinded his eyes momentarily, and when he opened his eyes again, he could see both Cagalli and Athrun heading towards him, riding a much ruined-looking Strike Rouge. _I see... thank goodness. Athrun must've self-destructed the Justice inside GENESIS..._ Kira thought, suddenly remembering the moment when Athrun had used a similar method with Aegis to kill him. The memory was painful, and Kira's consciousness was fading fast.

"Kira!" Cagalli cried out to him as they neared.

"Cagalli... Athrun..." his own voice was barely audible.

Athrun stepped out from the Strike Rouge's open cockpit and held his hand out. It might be a simple gesture to anyone else, but to Kira, it was an invitation to keep on living. To have his wounds tended to, to be back in Lacus's arms, to continue living in the place of those he had killed... Did he deserve that? He did not have the liberty of the choice, for Athrun leaned further and grabbed his arm. A tear escaped from Kira's eye as he tightened his grip on Athrun's arm, allowing himself to be pulled into the Strike Rouge. _I have a world I want to protect..._ he thought, remembering the last words he had said to Rau Le Crusset. _Fllay..._

Kira cried out, only vaguely registering Athrun's anxious voice calling him repeatedly. "Kira! Kira! Damn it! Pull yourself together! Kira!"

He remembered nothing else.

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><p>Lacus was already crying by the time her shuttle reached the Archangel. She knew that all three of her companions – Athrun, Kira and Cagalli – were alive and fine, but she also heard of Kira passing out on the Strike Rouge and that he hadn't regained consciousness since. Eyes blurred with tears, thoughts scrambled, she exited the shuttle quickly as soon as it docked and collided with a surprised Athrun Zala.<p>

"Sorry," Lacus said automatically, not knowing it was Athrun until she felt his hand on her arm. "Athrun," Lacus realised.

"Are you alright?" Athrun asked. He had been with Kira earlier, but then decided that sitting and waiting wasn't exactly going to help the brown-haired coordinator. Athrun was making his way to help the maintenance crew repair Archangel's most critical damages when Lacus suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

Lacus lowered her eyes. For some reason, she was frightened to ask. "Kira..." she managed, her worry clenching her chest again.

Athrun relaxed. Of course. Why else would Lacus be so distraught? "It's alright. Kira's fine. He has a high fever, and he hasn't woken up yet – but he's fine."

Lacus relaxed considerably. "I see. Thank you, Athrun. Are you alright? I heard your father..." she trailed off, watching as the other coordinator's eyes darken at the mentioning of Chairman Zala.

"You should go and see Kira. Cagalli is with him now," Athrun dismissed, turning away. He did not want to hear any more and quickly joined Yzak and Dearka who were also helping out with the repairs. They had heard the last snippet of conversation and decided, quite rightly, that now wasn't the time to probe. Besides, Athrun was too quiet – he definitely had his thoughts somewhere else.

Lacus watched her ex-fiancee go and sighed to herself. Athrun never changed. Always, he would keep his problems to himself, but he was definitely an open book to read. Much like Kira. _That's right! Kira!_ Lacus thought, immediately making her way to the infirmary. She stopped in her tracks as soon as she entered the room, her eyes widening as she took in Kira's figure lying on the bed, his twin Cagalli by his side.

Kira had looked much better than this. Lacus could say that, of course, after nursing him back to health after the incident with the Aegis. His forehead was bandaged – as well as his arm. Lacus could see that his torso was bandaged as well as she moved closer to him, her eyes brimming with worried tears again. Kira had on an oxygen mask and he breathed harshly as he mumbled incoherent words to himself. His brows furrowed, sweat drenching his face. This was worse than what Athrun had said.

Cagalli noticed the songstress in surprise. "Lacus! I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in," she said, allowing Lacus to take the empty seat beside her. "It looks worse than it is. He's only suffering from some minor wounds, and it's just the fever that's running high. The doctors said that we shouldn't worry," Cagalli said cheerfully, but her eyes were dull. She was merely echoing the doctor's words, not exactly believing it herself. Cagalli, like Lacus, was worried about Kira.

"I see..." Lacus trailed off. She sighed, taking Kira's hand in hers. "The war is finally over..."

"Yeah..." Cagalli agreed, turning her eyes back on her younger brother. "Orb... no... the whole world is in chaos," she said, betraying her constant worry for her nation.

Tears began to fall from Lacus's eyes. "We paid such a hard price to gain peace and end this war... The world must have finally realised to what lengths Muruta Azrael and Chairman Zala wanted to go through to finally gain peace," she said quietly. "Though the war has finally ended, nobody is happy... nobody is smiling. We have all paid such a high price to be able to live together..." she trailed off, remembering her father who had died fighting.

Cagalli nodded slowly. Lacus spoke correctly, as usual. She, too, had lost her father... Athrun had lost both his parents. They had lost friends, comrades... They had lost so many people, and for what? What difference was the world now compared to before? Naturals and Coordinators still lived together after all the fighting. All the war had left behind was pain and loss. Cagalli clenched her hands tightly. It angered her to think about what had happened, even in Orb itself. She let out her breath angrily. "It's like we've been fighting for nothing all this time. We only lost people we love, and hated the other side much more, and for what? No side won!"

"No," Lacus shook her head, turning her eyes to Cagalli, "it cannot be helped that we can only truly learn from our mistakes and not from the advice we get from others. We learned a lot about each other... but most importantly, we learned that neither of us wants to wipe out the other for good. It is sad... but war _is_ sad. And we must continue fighting to keep the peace that we have gained," she said softly, trying to believe in her own words.

"I don't know when this ship will move back to Orb... Captain Ramius has suffered a lot," Cagalli said, changing the topic. She had heard about the incident with Mu La Flaga – in this battle, only Captain Ramius and Athrun had lost someone truly meaningful to them. Well, except for Kira... "That ship that was destroyed by Rau Le Crusset... I heard Fllay was in it," Cagalli said.

Lacus tightened her hand, watching as Kira turned his head several times, struggling to breathe. There were no words that she could say, and the same went to Cagalli. They both knew how Kira had promised to protect the girl, only to have failed himself, yet again. Cagalli fought her tears, wanting to take the pain away from Kira if she could. He was a real victim of the war, staying at Heliopolis to keep away from the fighting, yet the turn of events made him one of the saviours of the world. Yet it was done with a high price, and though she did not know her twin before the war, she knew from the tears he had shed that the war was hard on him, too. Unlike Athrun, Kira never wanted to fight. Cagalli couldn't imagine through what lengths Kira had to pull himself through, constantly fighting... and even after obtaining Freedom, he still tried to fight without killing, yet failed to protect those he cared about...

"I'm sorry..." Kira's voice woke them both from their thoughts. Lacus leaned forwards, but Kira's eyes were closed. "I'm so sorry..."

"Kira..."

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><p>"It's a good thing the war is over. There's no way we can repair these without returning to Orb."<p>

The words of the technicians echoed in his mind as, tiredly, Athrun made his way to his room. When he entered, he could see Sai Argyle sleeping on the top bunk, and there was nobody else in sight. Kira was in the infirmary, of course. Dearka had made his way to see Miriallia, and Yzak stayed to help the crew repair his Duel so he could return to PLANT quickly. Athrun collapsed onto his bed, glad that his exhaustion would lull him to sleep quickly. He turned to his side, the image of his father dying coming to him again.

_Father... you were trying too hard. You feared another attack on PLANT, but that would never bring mother back..._ Athrun thought sadly. Sure, he did not agree at all with his father's methods, but in the end, Chairman Zala was still his father. Athrun sighed, his closed eyelids unable to stop the tears from flowing down. His father changed too drastically after Junius Seven. He was never like that before. He had always been a man whom Athrun had the highest respect for, which was why he had no second thoughts of being an elite soldier of ZAFT under his father's command. He had always thought that what he had been doing was the right thing. And yet, he remembered the time when he had bound Aegis to the Strike, watched as Kira, trapped in the cockpit, was seemingly unable to escape. Athrun had no idea why he had ejected from the Aegis – he had been sure that he wanted to die there with Kira, and never return to the war, but he had ejected... and until now, he had survived the war.

Kira... He knew that the kindness in Kira's heart would no doubt forgive him for what he had tried to do, even if Kira himself had tried to kill Athrun before. But could Athrun forgive himself? He doubted it. They were both fighting for the wrong sides when the event occurred, but the fact remained that they still tried to kill each other. Athrun wondered if they would return to how they were before... Close childhood friends... no... more like close brothers...

"Damn it Kira... I swore I would always protect you..." Athrun whispered to himself, feeling the silent sobs shaking his body. He had always seen Kira as a younger brother, and yet... yet...

Athrun's consciousness finally slipped away with his exhaustion.

_They were playing at a basketball court – only Kira and Athrun. It was an activity they regularly did together during the evening, and both were equally matched against each other. The skies were beginning to turn orange as the sun began to set, yet both coordinators showed no signs of stopping the game._

"_Hey, Kira," Athrun panted as he blocked Kira, sweat dripping from his forehead. "Any plans tomorrow? We've got the day off," he asked, grinning to himself. It was the weekend, and they had no classes to attend tomorrow._

_Kira dodged and threw the ball, watching as it successfully earned him more points in the game. The ball bounced a few times and rolled away into the bushes of the forest behind the court and they both stopped, panting hard. "I don't know," Kira finally answered, wiping his brow. "We'll think of something," he grinned._

_Athrun laughed and straightened, closing his eyes as he felt the breeze ruffle his hair. "I'll go and get the ball," he said, turning to run to where the ball had disappeared. He couldn't see it when he arrived at the bushes. Athrun crouched down and looked around, heading deeper into the woods. In the distance, he could hear a fast car making its way down the road beside the court. He gave it no thought, but looked up momentarily as he heard the screech of squealing tyres. Athrun froze, straining to hear more amidst the bushes, but then he heard the car move away again, as quickly as it had arrived. Shrugging, Athrun finally spotted the brown basketball and smiled as he took it into his arms._

"_I got it!" he cried out, running back to the court with the ball tucked under his arm. The ball fell, bouncing away again as he saw Kira lying by the side of the road, his right side bloodied. "Kira!" Athrun cried out running towards the other coordinator. "Damn it, where did that car go? Kira!"_

_The brown-haired boy opened his eyes slowly. "Athrun..." he said weakly._

"_What did you think you were doing?" Athrun cried out angrily, only then realising what Kira was holding. "Kira... What is this?"_

_It was a kitten. Athrun couldn't make out if the blood covering the kitten's fur was Kira's or not, but as soon as he saw it, he knew what had happened. The car must've been heading straight for the cat – Kira, with his abnormally sharp reflexes, had of course ran to help the small thing, only to be hit himself. The kitten shuddered, mewling pathetically. It was obvious that the kitten had been injured itself, and didn't have long to live. They were both frozen to the spot, Kira cradling the kitten and Athrun holding his friend upright. Then, the kitten gave a shudder and lay still. It was dead._

"_Kira..." The young boy's amethyst eyes were already brimming with tears. Kira was kind – too kind – and crying over a dead kitten was not something Athrun was surprised about. The brown-haired coordinator did not seem to hear his friend._

"_I couldn't save it..." he said quietly, holding the kitten tighter in his arms._

_Athrun kicked into gear, taking out his communication device, calling for help. Kira was already beginning to close his eyes. Athrun felt his friend's body, taking note of the two broken ribs that he obtained from the impact. _Darn it... That car, whereever it is, will pay for this. I'll make sure of that_, Athrun vowed. "Kira. Kira! Stay awake, Kira, they'll come soon."_

"_The kitten... bury it," Kira mumbled._

Trust Kira to think of something like that_, Athrun sighed. "I promise." _I also promise to go and get settled with whoever it was who could just leave an injured boy like this alone.

_That night, when Kira finally opened his eyes to see Athrun sitting on the chair beside him, he was greeted by Athrun's promise that he had buried the kitten and that they would visit the grave tomorrow. Athrun had also suffered from a black eye, a bruised cheek and a broken arm. But that was minor compared to what he had done to the driver that he had tracked down and beaten while waiting for his friend to regain consciousness..._

Athrun opened his eyes slowly, sitting up. He held his head, shaking it slightly. _Why did I dream of that of all things..?_ he thought, stretching. It was one of their better memories, however, and a small smile crossed Athrun's lips. Yes... he had always taken care of Kira. Kira, also, had had his fair share of fights to protect him.

Athrun slipped out from his bed and dressed quickly. _Maybe Kira has woken up..._ he thought hopefully, making his way to the infirmary. He was surprised to see Lacus and Cagalli still by Kira's side. Though Cagalli looked better, Lacus seemed dead on her feet. One did not need to be the songstress's fiancee to know that Lacus was on the verge of collapsing. Cagalli looked up at the sound of Athrun's entry, and her eyes brightened. "Athrun!"

"Have you two been sitting here all this time?" Athrun asked incredulously.

Cagalli's face fell slightly, then nodded. "His fever hasn't gone down..."

The blue-haired coordinator sighed. "Go and get some rest – at least make sure Lacus does. But you better rest too, Cagalli... I'll stay with him," Athrun said, his voice commanding but still holding the gentleness which only showed his worry to them both. Cagalli cast a doubtful look at her twin. Athrun stepped forward, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I promise to wake you if anything happens. Go and rest," he said, pulling Cagalli to her feet. She sighed in defeat as she guided Lacus from her chair.

"Thanks Athrun. Good night," Cagalli said, smiling as Athrun waved at them.

He settled beside Kira, watching his friend intently. Kira was suffering... of course he was. He cried when he couldn't protect a kitten – Athrun couldn't imagine the feeling of helplessness his friend was feeling after losing so many people whom he was responsible to protect. Athrun heard the snippets of conversation of the Archangel technicians, and knew of the tragedy regarding Kira's friend, Fllay Allstar. "We tried..." Athrun sighed to himself.

He had been so ready to die, so ready to atone to his sins by taking his life away by self-destructing Justice. But it was as Cagalli had said when she chased after him. Dying was not atonement... it was an escape. He could only continue fighting by keeping his life, and continue living for the sake of his friends who had all sacrificed themselves for peace.

"I'm sorry... Fllay... I'm sorry... Athrun..." Kira mumbled to himself. Athrun's brow furrowed and he leaned forwards, wondering what nightmares were haunting him. "Athrun... I tried... Kill... I'm sorry..." the words continued repeatedly, and Athrun's eyes widened.

He clenched his fists. _I knew it... Kira's still haunted by that like I am..._ he thought, gritting his teeth. How could he not? They had tried to _kill_ each other. But the one who nearly succeeded had been Athrun, not Kira. Athrun lowered his head, swallowing the sobs that threatened to overcome him again. Why? WHY? Why was it that things like this were constantly happening? Why was it that those who started the war died, yet the victims stayed alive? Why did the turn of events had to be like this? To make them all suffer like this?

_Damn it_...

"Kira... you better not die on us," Athrun said, his fingernails drawing blood from his palms.

"Torii!"

Surprised, Athrun looked up as the green mechanical bird landed on his head. "Torii..." Athrun greeted it, then half-laughed to himself. Typical Kira to keep the present with him all this time.

"_Torii!"_

"_A bird?" Kira had asked when the green bird hopped into his outstretched hands. Kira held it close, his eyes widening slightly. "A mechanical bird," he smiled. Of course Athrun would make something like this._

"_It's programmed to recognise your friends. If you ever go somewhere where you don't know anyone, Torii will let you know if any of your friends are nearby," Athrun explained, grinning. He was proud of his latest invention. "If you ever lose it, it'll find a way back to you."_

"_Thanks, Athrun," Kira said, his eyes shining happily. They were both sad, of course, that they needed to part like this. But it wasn't the first time they had to move away from each other._

"_You'll follow me to PLANT, right?" Athrun had asked when they were about to part._

_That was all they were really worried about before this: Whether or not they would meet again, and be close friends again._

"Athrun..." Kira's voice caught the other coordinator by surprise.

"Kira!"

Kira's eyes were half-open, and he moved to take the oxygen mask off. A small smile was on his lips, yet tears flowed from his eyes. "It's over," Kira sighed.

Athrun nodded. "Yes. It's over," he agreed. It did not feel like it was over. "Lacus had been sitting by your side – Cagalli too. They're sleeping now. Lacus was very worried," Athrun explained. The fever had finally cooled.

"Athrun... I'm sorry. About everything," Kira said, turning his eyes away. "All I wanted was to protect everyone... I never wanted to fight... I don't want to fight..."

Athrun shook his head. "I was the one who nearly killed you. War can turn decent people into horrifying things..." he said, turning his eyes away as he fought the tears.

Kira noticed the double-meaning in Athrun's words. "Athrun..?"

"My father is dead," Athrun said, his voice cracking. "One of the ZAFT soldiers shot him. His last words were to ask me to fire GENESIS," he said, burying his head in his hands. "I couldn't stop him in time. I self-destructed Justice inside GENESIS."

Kira struggled to sit, ignoring Athrun's protests. "Fllay is dead. I swore I would protect her, but she was killed right in front of my eyes. I thrust Freedom's beam sword into Rau Le Crusset's cockpit, but it was the GENESIS that finished him off," Kira said quietly, allowing the tears to flow. "But I'm still alive. We're all still alive. I didn't... I expected to..."

"When I was about to destroy Justice, Cagalli followed me inside with Strike Rouge. She told me to stop running away... that to live is to keep on fighting."

"She's right," Kira said after a brief silence, "All our friends fought for our lives, just as how we were fighting for theirs. I don't want them to die in vain by refusing to live. I will keep on fighting. I have a world I want to protect," Kira muttered. He turned his eyes to Athrun. "Will you fight with me, Athrun? I don't..." he turned his eyes away, clenching his hands. "I don't want to fight against you again, ever. No matter what... you were never my enemy."

Struck, Athrun froze, the words hitting home. He remembered when he had told Cagalli that Kira had been his enemy, after he thought he had destroyed the Strike with Aegis. But he had been crying when he told Cagalli that, because he knew that they were never enemies in the first place. Even against his father or the Earth Alliance – they were never enemies. They were just people who wanted peace, yet they strived towards it in the wrong way. Kira's shoulders shook as he began to cry and, unable to bend his tears, Athrun placed his hand on Kira's shoulder.

They had to live... It was the least they could do, no matter how painful it was.

"Yeah... We'll fight. We'll fight together."

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> _There you go, my first Gundam SEED fanfic. I hope you all enjoyed it - and I'm sorry because it hasn't exactly been thoroughly edited. I don't think there will be a second chapter for this piece - I suppose it'll depend on your views. Thanks for reading again, and please drop a review behind!_


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